I believe that Self-Love is not only good; it is necessary. There are so many times throughout the day that our energy, time, attention and mental focus is given to things that have to be done, people that need our help, remembering all the tasks we have to accomplish and then all the extras that are thrown at us at any given moment. It is exhausting, draining and sucks the life out of us some nights. There are times I want to just veg out on the couch and watch a mindless television show because I do not want to think, be responsible or have any demands on me for the rest of the night. I am spent!

Notice I said that for me “there are times”, but for many people this is a daily occurrence. They have not replenished their energy to feel motivated, given focus to their passions at all and have not engaged in activities that promote happiness. Through the years of working with clients on this topic, the common factors I often hear are:

• There is no time
• Feeling selfish about doing something for yourself because someone else will be lacking your attention or needing to pick up the slack
• The desire to get everything done to a high standard and perfectionistic manner that no time is left for yourself
• Fearing others will judge you for being a slacker if you spend time doing something for yourself.

What I often wonder about are the subconscious thoughts that really impede someone from showing themselves Self-Love. These are negative thoughts about themselves and often include:

• Not knowing that they “deserve” to focus on their needs
• Placing obstacles in their own way due to not feeling worthy enough to do things that bring them happiness
• Listening to self-defeating or unmotivating messages they have heard or state to themselves over and over again.

Well…I am here to tell you that all of these common factors and subconscious thoughts are self-imposed and you no longer have to live within the rigid boundaries or expectations of them anymore. You have a choice everyday whether you will succumb to them or begin to break free of the chains you feel bound by.

When I work with clients and we discuss goal setting I often hear “I want to be Happy”. This is a great beginning, but happiness is a by-product of achieving specific goals that focus on desires, passions, dreams and changes in one’s life. But every successful goal requires Self-Love. Self-Love to believe you are worth the effort for change, you are deserving of goodness and happiness in your life and you only need to be accountable to yourself and your immediate family – not everyone else.

So are you ready to think more positively about yourself and see the opportunities you have to start giving yourself Self-Love?

Here are 10 ways to start making some changes that will make a big difference in your life!

1. Put the electronics away! Electronics are often time suckers and lead to frustration with time wasted that could be dedicated to you. Unplug each day for a certain amount of time to focus on your own needs, thoughts or actions that promote Self-Love.
2. Showing yourself Self-Love is actually “Selfless”. If you do not give attention to replenish and rejuvenate your soul and spirit – no one will! Don’t leave yourself empty and depleted! Start with one action you have wanted to do and begin doing it!!!
3. Perfectionism is good for some things, but not everyday items. Trying to make sure things are always perfect takes so much time and wastes valuable energy. You are left feeling frustrated by the crazy amount of effort and overwhelmed when it’s time to do it all over again. This frustration may not only affect you, but it may affect how you interact with those around you. So instead, loosen up your expectations and begin to refocus on what truly matters in your life. Give your attention to what gives you happiness and doesn’t hold you to unrealistic expectations. This is a way of showing you Self-Love every day!
4. Take pride in taking some time out for yourself because you are worthy enough! This is Self-Love! Don’t wait for someone else to tell you you’re worthy. Take the lead and show others how good it feels to invest in your mental, physical, spiritual and emotional health.
5. Take any inhibiting subconscious thought and bring it to the forefront of your mind. Become aware of your roadblock to Self-Love. Only when you are aware of roadblocks can you make any changes. Journal about this roadblock and where it comes from. Is it yours or someone else’s? Are you going to keep owning it or decide to see yourself as “Enough” and “Worth the Effort” to make a desired change? Journaling is a useful technique to discover inner thoughts, passions and who you truly are! Taking time to journal is a beautiful way to show Self-Love and learn more about you!
6. Create a Mantra! This is a statement you say to yourself daily that is empowering, motivational and supportive of your desired change. Start it with “I” for ownership and repeat it as often as you need to. You can change the Mantra whenever you like and keep it written in a handy place that you can see it or remember it. Post it on your mirror; carry it in your pocket. When you are saying positive and supportive statements to yourself you are demonstrating Self-Love!
7. Meditation is wonderful and amazing for so many reasons: it promotes relaxation and releases stress, balances emotions, increases energy, lowers depression and brings harmony to your life. Taking the time to meditate alone or with others is a wonderful way to show Self-Love!
8. Move your Body! When we exercise we are naturally releasing Serotonin in our brains that helps us feel good, motivated, energetic and feel like we can take on challenging tasks. Endorphins are also being released which help elevate our mood and decrease stress. Then there are the physical and health benefits too. Making a commitment to move your body each day for at least 30 minutes is a great way to show Self-Love!
9. Making healthy eating choices! Taking the time to make a delicious greens and fruit smoothie! When you prepare healthy and nutritious foods you are absolutely showing Self-Love!
10. Be one with Nature. There is something so amazing about being grounded in Nature and connected to Mother Earth. So go ahead and visit the beach, sit in the sand and admire the sound and sights of the ocean. Take a trip into the mountains and admire their beauty and serenity. Go for a hike in your local park and trails. Discover the Nature growing all around you, breath in the fresh air and be in awe of how Nature takes care of its needs, just as you should. All these are great ways to promote Self-Love and share experiences with loved ones.

When it comes down to it, Self-Love is about being happy, challenging yourself where you feel you need a change and surrounding yourself with people that make you feel good and help you be a better you! A support system is helpful, but not an end-all to promote Self-Love! This comes from within you and the thoughts and actions you choose that build you up and promote growth. Have faith, reach out in prayer for support and never be afraid to ask others for help whenever you need it. We are all beautiful people deserving of happiness, respect and love. Love from others and for ourselves. Go ahead and try something new…choose something that resonates for you from the 10 ideas listed above. Stick with it and know you are worth it!!

Today I am writing about the #1 requested topic people have requested on my website: job stress. This topic is relevant to so many people. I am sure that most of you have experienced job stress in some way at some point in your life. So today I want to provide you with some thoughts and techniques to feel more in control and remain calm when you’re stressed out by your job.

I first want to highlight how job stress can not only affect us on the job, but can also impact many other areas of our lives. Within the workplace job stress can affect our productivity, our motivation to excel or work harder and can even affect ones long-term morale. This is true especially when we feel under-appreciated and not valued in their job.

The stress that one can feel at work can then trickle into our home life, relationships and even in caring for oneself. You may have difficulty sleeping, increased irritability, low frustration tolerance and see changes in eating habits and appetite. These are just a few examples of physical symptoms of sustained job stress. Job stress affects our relationships too, and can put a strain on positive interactions with family, friends and loved ones due to stressed moods, increased anger and reduced patience with handling other challenges in their day. Closeness in relationships can be affected too, with the stressed individual wanting to be alone, not able to be present in the moment or feeling emotionally and mentally drained. Job stress can take a toll on taking care of ourselves. We may be less likely to care for our individual needs such as exercise, a good diet, taking time to do things that we enjoy or even giving ourselves time to decompress and unwind.

As you can see job stress is not only affecting people in their work environment, it can be affecting many parts of their lives and the people around them. So for these reasons and more I feel it is such an important topic to address and I am now going to share with you some techniques that I know can help you handle stress better, feel more relaxed, and empower you to feel more in control of your moods and emotions. I will provide you with 5 techniques to use while at work and 5 techniques to use after you leave the office and are away from your job.

My Top 5 Techniques for Handling Stress at the Office are:

1. Deep Breathing (4,7,8 technique). I love this coping skill because you can use it anywhere, anytime and as often as you need. Breathe in through your nose for the count of 4; Hold your breath for the count of 7; Breathe out slowly through your mouth for the count of 8.
2. Take A Break. Make sure you are taking small breaks when needed and not working through a lunch break. This is time to decompress, fuel your mind and body, and rejuvenate your energy level. Make sure your breaks are about you…not completing other tasks such as making phone calls, paying bills or dealing with frustrating situations. This is your time to unwind and release some built-up tension and stress.
3. Embrace a Positive Attitude and Use Positive Self Statements. It is important to embrace a positive attitude during your day to avoid self-defeating statements or spiraling in a negative mood. During time of significant stress it is vital to try to focus on something positive within your environment. Maybe it is a co-worker you enjoy talking with, knowing your first break is in 30 minutes or that you are walking with a friend during your lunch break. If there is nothing you can find positive about your day at work; think of something positive that will help motivate you to get through your day. It could be looking forward to plans after work, spending time with your children and spouse or simply that you get to leave the job in 2 hours. The more you can be mindful about being positive the better your moods will be, the less stress can affect you and the more likely you will use positive self- statements throughout your day.
4. Visualizations. Surround yourself with pictures that promote a positive mental and emotional response for you. It could be a feeling of calm as you look at the ocean; a warm feeling of love from a favorite family vacation photo or the release of relaxation as you scroll through images of favorite places to visit or the beauty of nature. Whatever it is, surround yourself with visuals of things, people or places that promote happiness.
5. Movement. Move your body throughout the day to help you stay alert, rejuvenate your energy and get the blood flowing. Stretching, Yoga poses, a brisk stroll around the office to say hello to a friend or a walk outside on a beautiful day. The method you choose is not important; what is important is just taking the time to move a little every day.

My Top 5 Techniques for De-Stressing Once You Leave the Office are:

1. Use Your Time Driving Home Productively to De-Stress. I suggest listening to audio books or podcasts on your way home since they are often about desired or passionate topics that create a nice break and chance to relax from a stressful day at work. Listen to music that suits your mood and enhances the state of mind you wish to achieve. For example, instrumental music may be more calming and relaxing to de-stress you while dance music is more upbeat to get in a joyful mood and inject some energy for the remainder of your day.
2. Be Mindful In Your Actions. Focus on how you can be present and engaged with those around you both mentally and physically. Identify ways this can occur whether it is with a specific activity with your children, enjoying conversation with a significant other or finding time for yourself to decompress and relax once you are home. Make active choices that benefit you and those around you in having positive and meaningful interactions.
3. Nutrition. When people are stressed their eating habits can change. Some people’s appetites decrease while others may be emotional eaters and gravitate towards carbohydrates and foods filled with sugar. Both choices are poor since they are not properly sustaining your body to work properly and maintain stable, healthy moods. You need to make sure that you are supporting your brain and body with protein all the time – especially during times of stress. The “feel good” chemicals in our brain such as Serotonin and Norepinephrine are protein-based chemicals that need to be nourished consistently throughout our day with high-protein foods. Protein also helps stabilize blood sugar levels to avoid sugar crashes and give us needed energy to maintain focus and motivation during our day. Also make sure you are drinking plenty of water to nourish and hydrate your cells for a better performing mind and body.
4. Surround Yourself With People Who Build You Up. Spend time with loved ones and friends that provide support, bring fun into your life, create opportunities to escape job stress and encourage you to live your life with passion and zest. These experiences rejuvenate your soul and spirit. They make you feel alive and help you focus on the important things in your life. You need to allow yourself these times to unwind and have fun.
5. Explore Nature. Nature provides tranquility and peace like nothing else. It is easy to feel calm, relaxed and rejuvenated within nature. The awe of nature’s beauty and its ability to continuously sustain itself is amazing. Nature not only survives…it thrives. You may need to sit with nature and reflect on ways you can start supporting yourself to not only survive, but thrive.

So you now have 10 techniques that are easy to implement to help you cope better with stress. Choose the techniques that resonate with you to begin remaining calmer when encountering job stress. I suggest that you evaluate your own job stress and how much it impacts different parts of your life. Examine how you currently react when feeling stressed and what techniques you can start using today to decompress and feel more in control of your emotions, moods and behaviors. Overall the goal for you is to create balance in your life. Once you start these techniques you may realize how easy and helpful they are in supporting your mental, emotional and physical well-being. Look inside you at the impact of your job stress. It is important to honor what you find, create a plan for change and act upon it. I wish you much success in this process. Remember… we cannot expect our body and mind to perfectly handle everything life throws our way, every time. However we can provide ourselves with the support we need to succeed.

I was listening to the car radio and “Something Just Like This” by Coldplay and The Chainsmokers began to play. The lyrics describe super heroes and their gifts and the singer stated not seeing himself upon this list. It immediately made me think about how each of us are super heroes in our own ways. We are warriors, defenders, protectors and heroes in our own lives, within our families, in our communities and sometimes even around the globe. We may not be comic book super heroes defending a city from an evil nemesis or rescuing the damsel in distress, but we all have experienced or are currently living with challenges, struggles and unexpected changes in our lives that have shook us to our core and made us wonder “how will I ever get through this?” For each of us the challenges appear different and the degree to how it impacts our lives will vary, but the feeling of distress, worry and fear may be the same. So how do you get through this?

One amazing point about comic book super heroes is they often start off as ordinary people that tap into their gifts to transform themselves into these heroes with amazing powers and abilities to beat the villain and save the day. Well, that means You and I have Superhero powers too!!! Just like comic book super heroes, we can tap into our strengths to make it through the moment, the day or the challenge as needed. We assess the situation, see what needs to be done and find ways to make it happen. We do this every day!!!

Quick and speedy actions to keep others safe, breaking down walls to connect with others, tackling the responsibilities for the mission of the day, managing challenges of others not getting along and planning the most effective ways to make the day bearable for all… just to name a few things we do all the time!!! And just like comic book super heroes our work is never done, but we are faced with our “enemies” more often and sometimes with no end in sight! So we then try to find time to decompress, debrief and breathe to stay calm at the end of day. This is a lot of work!!!

So, just as super heroes have their sidekicks and leagues, we call upon our tribe, our community, our friends to provide emotional support when we need help and to debrief after the task is done or the moment has passed. It is often our amazing league of friends and helpers who show us how to acknowledge, embrace and enhance our strengths, our abilities – our “super powers.”

I believe everyone has at least one “super power!” People demonstrate their “super powers” all of the time! The ability to thrive under pressure, remain calm in difficult times, think rationally when emotions are high, find solace when faced with sadness, provide forgiveness, focus on the positive, see others’ strengths and live a life of kindness towards others. All of these and so many other actions and enlightened states are “super powers” that empower yourself and those around you. “Super powers” are strengthened by how you view life and the lenses you choose to look through. Those who demonstrate amazing “super powers” do not look through distorted or rose-colored lenses…they look through clear lenses that allow one to see others’ gifts, know when an action should be taken and when love and nurturing is all that is needed.

We can be affected by (and feel great emotional pain and distress from) many sources and life situations that must be attended to at any given time. These moments can weaken us and make us feel defeated. Superman, one of the best known super heroes of all times, who is powerful and fast can be weakened, incapacitated and taken down quickly with kryptonite. But unlike Superman, our kryptonite is often found within ourselves. For anyone to remain powerful, strong and grounded within themselves, and to be able to handle life situations, we have to be aware of what blocks our “super power” from working. When you know what your blocks are you can then plan how to avoid them or ways to handle them so you are not left fragile and debilitated. You can rise in your strength!

Here is a perfect topic to Journal and Act upon:

What Is Your “Super Power?”

What does it look like?
When do you use it?
How do you use it for yourself? Others?
How has it helped you? Others?

What Blocks Your “Super Power?”

When do you feel deflated or defeated?
When do you need support from others?
What makes days or moments harder than others?

With your discoveries from journaling, it is time to acknowledge and demonstrate your “Super Power” and understand how to work through or avoid your blocks. Remember we all have at least one “Super Power” that we are amazing at, thrive when doing and feel personal success with while often helping or supporting others. So even when we are faced with challenges and struggles, we can exude strength when we tap into our abilities, have a positive state of mind, see the challenge for what it is and have a plan for the given situation. Super heroes are ordinary people that acknowledge and use their super powers to better the world around them. They also need help and support sometimes. Reach out to those who support you and build you up. You do not have to face your struggles alone.

So tap into your “super powers” when things get tough. Remember that every super hero is an ordinary person in disguise.